Fallowing Pages
I'm sorting my shirts
between the seasons
placing my boy band cd's
in boxes
with robes grown old.
I'm shipping off my
childish trinkets;
broken seashells,
forgotten birthday cards,
journals never written in,
phonebooks glittering and empty.
I'm packing away
the stuffed mammal faces
whose fur are well-loved,
worn shaggy and thin.
I'm hanging new coats
donning cozy, warm sweaters
boxers and glasses
sipping cider
barefoot in my downy bed.
Tipping the brim of 20,
saying good morning to newspapers
and novels thick with intellect.
Not minding the transition
the newest mirror image reminds.
Growing up finally fitting
as a stage to last.
------
Mover
I've never raised my middle finger
to a person
or an establishment
or a cause.
I've never hated so terribly that
my tongue has run foul.
I do dream of love.
I hold respect for our government.
Imperfect as it is.
I know I am nothing
because I know there is a God.
And in Him lies our greatest possibility.
I have hope in my heart.
I want to be a mother.
I walk down streets in cities and towns
and see souls in the bodies
of beggars,
beauty in the writings stained
on cement walls.
I honor my parents.
I bake, and clean,
and change my own tires.
I look forward to breathing in
the stories of my elders,
rejoicing in their lives
past and present.
I giggle.
I do not use my pen to kill,
to uproot or destroy.
I write to coax dew onto mornings,
smile creases into faces.
Drawing minds to blossom
not to a grinding stone.
If that makes me soft.
If that makes me cliche.
If that makes me conformist,
Wrap me up
ship me out
Give every body in this land
the choice to open me up
and vote.
Maybe they could do
with a bit of joy.
Maybe being happy
is not being blind.
Maybe it is a greater work
to abdicate anger.
Maybe understanding is more
than knowledge plus attitude.
Maybe this 'black soul'
that you love so much
that you've deemed so rich,
could use a couple angel tears
to loose the grime,
and slip in a little light.
----
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
I'm not one to PMS into an insane rage
But I am a girl.
and sometimes during weeks such as these,
I just want to lie in bed all day long
watch t.v. shows,
and eat breakfast foods magically prepared by someone other than myself.
And occasionally,
I just want to cry.
Because all of a sudden it feels like the world is absolutely terrible,
and every thing is going wrong.
And then I realize,
my life is great
and crying as if it isn't simply doesn't make any sense.
Boys wonder why they don't understand girls.
But the truth is, girls don't even understand girls sometimes.
And I'll be the first to admit,
being a spirit in an occasional emotionally insane body,
can be a little scary and annoying.
happy thursday everybody.
and sometimes during weeks such as these,
I just want to lie in bed all day long
watch t.v. shows,
and eat breakfast foods magically prepared by someone other than myself.
And occasionally,
I just want to cry.
Because all of a sudden it feels like the world is absolutely terrible,
and every thing is going wrong.
And then I realize,
my life is great
and crying as if it isn't simply doesn't make any sense.
Boys wonder why they don't understand girls.
But the truth is, girls don't even understand girls sometimes.
And I'll be the first to admit,
being a spirit in an occasional emotionally insane body,
can be a little scary and annoying.
happy thursday everybody.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
I Battled a Cup of Milk Before Church This Morning
Let me just cut to the chase and tell you: I lost.
How?
I tipped it off the top shelf of the frigidaire in my haste to obtain cinnamon rolls.
It instantly whitewashed every shelf below it,
plunged into everything within six inches of each shelf's edge,
(including a still liquid, raspberry-blue jello)
created a four foot fan out across the kitchen floor,
and spat on me
from the tips of my hair,
all the way
d
o
w
n
to
my shoe-covered toes.
I did not get to singles ward for sacrament.
Why?
Because that is 20 minutes away
and my home ward is only 2 minutes.
Cleaning up the milk's aftermath ate too many minutes.
I lost to the milk, but I still managed to shove a cinnamon roll into my newly outfitted self.
Not a complete defeat : )
p.s. milky jello is not such a bad thing. Especially when you put whipped cream on top.
-------
My Brother is a Piano Playing Genius
If you don't know by now, my brother is 16. His name is Derek.
And he is a piano playing genius.
Today he was supposed to play a hymnal medley in sacrament.
He forgot until last night when my mother reminded him.
I went to bed listening to him playing through possibilities.
Today we are sitting in church and they announce the next few items on the program.
A speaker, and then a musical number by Derek.
I look over at him, smiling,
I was about to ask him what the hymns were going to be when he picks up a hymnal and says
'now I need to pick out what I'm playing'
I know he is not joking.
It shouldn't have, but my jaw dropped open a little bit.
I've seen him do this many times.
Forget or procrastinate planning for something he's been asked to do,
and then finding himself needing to pull something musical and amazing out of thin air.
Within 5 minutes he had found a blue piece of paper,
and a pencil,
and written down the names of four songs,
in the order he would play them in.
Some of them not hymns, but songs from animated church movies.
In which case he just wrote the name of the movie it played in.
10 minutes later the speaker sat down,
Derek got up,
placed his blue sheet on the pianos' music stand,
and played a truly beautiful and amazing medley that brought the spirit strongly into the room, and hearts of the congregation.
I didn't know whether to cry,
or laugh in amazement at what he was pulling off with such brilliant success.
I can't wait to read all of the similar stories I know he will write home while he's on his mission, where coming up with talks and musical numbers on the spot is a common occurrence : )
-----
After Church (and then choir) I Set Sail in my Jeep
I was homeward bound and plunging home under the yellowing leaves of fall.
I sped up a bit to the crescendoing notes of Mozart's 22nd Piano Concerto,
carving beautifully around a corner,
and past a yawning mexican on a park bench.
I laughed at the classical station man who rants reverently about all music classic.
Happy because:
I got to hear him verbally idolize mozart.
I talked to and met more people at church,
I found out Lemon's middle name is STEWART,
I sang in choir,
and I knew I was bounding home to family and pot roast : )
How?
I tipped it off the top shelf of the frigidaire in my haste to obtain cinnamon rolls.
It instantly whitewashed every shelf below it,
plunged into everything within six inches of each shelf's edge,
(including a still liquid, raspberry-blue jello)
created a four foot fan out across the kitchen floor,
and spat on me
from the tips of my hair,
all the way
d
o
w
n
to
my shoe-covered toes.
I did not get to singles ward for sacrament.
Why?
Because that is 20 minutes away
and my home ward is only 2 minutes.
Cleaning up the milk's aftermath ate too many minutes.
I lost to the milk, but I still managed to shove a cinnamon roll into my newly outfitted self.
Not a complete defeat : )
p.s. milky jello is not such a bad thing. Especially when you put whipped cream on top.
-------
My Brother is a Piano Playing Genius
If you don't know by now, my brother is 16. His name is Derek.
And he is a piano playing genius.
Today he was supposed to play a hymnal medley in sacrament.
He forgot until last night when my mother reminded him.
I went to bed listening to him playing through possibilities.
Today we are sitting in church and they announce the next few items on the program.
A speaker, and then a musical number by Derek.
I look over at him, smiling,
I was about to ask him what the hymns were going to be when he picks up a hymnal and says
'now I need to pick out what I'm playing'
I know he is not joking.
It shouldn't have, but my jaw dropped open a little bit.
I've seen him do this many times.
Forget or procrastinate planning for something he's been asked to do,
and then finding himself needing to pull something musical and amazing out of thin air.
Within 5 minutes he had found a blue piece of paper,
and a pencil,
and written down the names of four songs,
in the order he would play them in.
Some of them not hymns, but songs from animated church movies.
In which case he just wrote the name of the movie it played in.
10 minutes later the speaker sat down,
Derek got up,
placed his blue sheet on the pianos' music stand,
and played a truly beautiful and amazing medley that brought the spirit strongly into the room, and hearts of the congregation.
I didn't know whether to cry,
or laugh in amazement at what he was pulling off with such brilliant success.
I can't wait to read all of the similar stories I know he will write home while he's on his mission, where coming up with talks and musical numbers on the spot is a common occurrence : )
-----
After Church (and then choir) I Set Sail in my Jeep
I was homeward bound and plunging home under the yellowing leaves of fall.
I sped up a bit to the crescendoing notes of Mozart's 22nd Piano Concerto,
carving beautifully around a corner,
and past a yawning mexican on a park bench.
I laughed at the classical station man who rants reverently about all music classic.
Happy because:
I got to hear him verbally idolize mozart.
I talked to and met more people at church,
I found out Lemon's middle name is STEWART,
I sang in choir,
and I knew I was bounding home to family and pot roast : )
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Absolute Adorations
All in one day : )
~ waking up early, showering and GETTING OUT OF THE HOUSE
~ that feeling of pure bodily joy that happens right after you've been active/working out.
Strangely enough, always makes me want desserts with chocolate in them.
Reason number three of why I enjoy drinking milkshakes while working out.
But today, I RESISTED! So maybe I'm even happier : )
~ slipping on rough and prickly gloves that smell strongly of dirt,
picking up a rake,
hoisting some buckets onto your shoulder,
and setting off across the yard.
It feels so right : )
~ eating tuna cheese melts stuffed with: lettuce, pickles, and tomatoes.
especially amazing when you've been active and hungry for hours.
and your hands finally feel clean : )
so good!
~ feeling full and drowsy at 2:30 pm and realizing,
not only are you already in your bed,
but this is the normal time when normal people take naps!
AND YOU HAVE TIME TO TAKE ONE!
so you do : )
~ falling asleep for your nap
feeling warm
and cozy
and knowing:
you are going to eat a cinnamon roll when you wake up : )
It doesn't get much better than this : )
I even read the Book of Mormon this morning : )
yep.
all of it.
just kidding... : )
~ waking up early, showering and GETTING OUT OF THE HOUSE
~ that feeling of pure bodily joy that happens right after you've been active/working out.
Strangely enough, always makes me want desserts with chocolate in them.
Reason number three of why I enjoy drinking milkshakes while working out.
But today, I RESISTED! So maybe I'm even happier : )
~ slipping on rough and prickly gloves that smell strongly of dirt,
picking up a rake,
hoisting some buckets onto your shoulder,
and setting off across the yard.
It feels so right : )
~ eating tuna cheese melts stuffed with: lettuce, pickles, and tomatoes.
especially amazing when you've been active and hungry for hours.
and your hands finally feel clean : )
so good!
~ feeling full and drowsy at 2:30 pm and realizing,
not only are you already in your bed,
but this is the normal time when normal people take naps!
AND YOU HAVE TIME TO TAKE ONE!
so you do : )
~ falling asleep for your nap
feeling warm
and cozy
and knowing:
you are going to eat a cinnamon roll when you wake up : )
It doesn't get much better than this : )
I even read the Book of Mormon this morning : )
yep.
all of it.
just kidding... : )
Friday, October 9, 2009
happy birthday mom
I love my mother. And yesterday was her birthday.
so to celebrate, I'm sharing this fantastic story about her for all the naked apes out there.
In this story, my brother, mother and I are mulling around our living room.
We are chatting about our days and traveling between couches and kitchen counters as we do so. Whoever said talking and eating don't go together, really missed out on some immediate joys.
Derek [my brother] makes a reference to something I don't recall seeing, I voice my confusion, he see's my mother has a laptop precariously positioned on her lap, and he immediately asks her to bring up a new page.
Direct it to youtube.com.
And allow him to show me what he was talking about.
She does so, the page pops up, and the next thing I know her 'appalled voice' goes "agh!" and starts voicing her disgust with youtube.
~mom~
"This happens to me every time! Whenever I go here, there are naked women posted everywhere! How can you guys use this cite?!"
~derek and I~ exchange confused looks
~derek~
"What are you talking about?"
~mom~
"When you pull up youtube, do you see women with....NOTHING on, posted on the screen?!"
~derek~
"....I have my own account so it just goes straight to my home page..."
~carly~ still extremely confused and trying to remember if naked women had ever popped up when she used youtube...the ads can get a bit sketchy at times but...
~carly~
"I have my own account too...but it doesn't go straight to my account page..."
~mom~
"I hate using it because it happens to me every time! I have to get to youtube through a link on the church website!"
~carly~ thinks...oh mother. that really isn't necessary...
~derek~ goes over to her laptop once my mom has minimized the page and the bad pictures are gone
takes him two seconds and he discovers the problem.
~derek~
"Mom,
that's not how you spell youtube."
~mom~
"...It isn't?"
~derek~
"No. Youtube is spelled y-o-u-t-u-b-e."
then the amazingly hilarious moment happens.
~my mother realizes she has been going straight to a porn site whenever she wanted to go to youtube.~
Derek and I laugh for a long time : )
my mom joins in the laughter slightly after we do
and expresses her relief that we weren't viewing pornography.
ah mommy.
I do so enjoy you : )
happy birthday : )
p.s. naked naked apes, please give my mother and her patchy computing skills a break, and put some clothes on.
so to celebrate, I'm sharing this fantastic story about her for all the naked apes out there.
In this story, my brother, mother and I are mulling around our living room.
We are chatting about our days and traveling between couches and kitchen counters as we do so. Whoever said talking and eating don't go together, really missed out on some immediate joys.
Derek [my brother] makes a reference to something I don't recall seeing, I voice my confusion, he see's my mother has a laptop precariously positioned on her lap, and he immediately asks her to bring up a new page.
Direct it to youtube.com.
And allow him to show me what he was talking about.
She does so, the page pops up, and the next thing I know her 'appalled voice' goes "agh!" and starts voicing her disgust with youtube.
~mom~
"This happens to me every time! Whenever I go here, there are naked women posted everywhere! How can you guys use this cite?!"
~derek and I~ exchange confused looks
~derek~
"What are you talking about?"
~mom~
"When you pull up youtube, do you see women with....NOTHING on, posted on the screen?!"
~derek~
"....I have my own account so it just goes straight to my home page..."
~carly~ still extremely confused and trying to remember if naked women had ever popped up when she used youtube...the ads can get a bit sketchy at times but...
~carly~
"I have my own account too...but it doesn't go straight to my account page..."
~mom~
"I hate using it because it happens to me every time! I have to get to youtube through a link on the church website!"
~carly~ thinks...oh mother. that really isn't necessary...
~derek~ goes over to her laptop once my mom has minimized the page and the bad pictures are gone
takes him two seconds and he discovers the problem.
~derek~
"Mom,
that's not how you spell youtube."
~mom~
"...It isn't?"
~derek~
"No. Youtube is spelled y-o-u-t-u-b-e."
then the amazingly hilarious moment happens.
~my mother realizes she has been going straight to a porn site whenever she wanted to go to youtube.~
Derek and I laugh for a long time : )
my mom joins in the laughter slightly after we do
and expresses her relief that we weren't viewing pornography.
ah mommy.
I do so enjoy you : )
happy birthday : )
p.s. naked naked apes, please give my mother and her patchy computing skills a break, and put some clothes on.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
I have to agree with Windy's indecision
Dearest N.A's and T.'s,
I've been writing more poems. Gander if you wish.
-----
strange looking back
when you realize the past
wasn't just yesterday.
And you've grown old
with your eyes closed
or open
depending on the hour.
until this moment
you feel how light your arms are
empty with all the time that's slipped
away
----
Smidgens of bits
dot your words and lips
like cookie crumbs
or potato chips
It matters less
what I turn into
you still won't know
I've grown old like new.
----
meet me on smith street
in between the donut cart and bummers beat
just past lunch and past the hours
the deli girl greets the man with flowers
up the smoking stands and brokers bands
the shuffling feet of suits and geeks
grappling for watches, keeping time in their lives
every tick for the tock of the money-sick hives
meet me on smith street
I'll hold a sandwich and daisy
my donut passed on to the men playing lazy
I'll sit at a table with the haze in my hair
midst screeching of tires and shout shaken air
I'll be dreaming in my skin, my wrists clockless and free
I'll wait to see you,
alive on smith street with me.
-----
it is just about time to realize
that I should have done something
hours ago.
---
a rhyme would sift you both away,
would slit the night to birth the day
would beg the moon to writhe in spite
sloshing dregs up shores spun white
would tango notes flung from the bees
buzzing sovereign melodies
would silver spoons with black soon taint
to brush cream eyes in dreamers paint
----
carleen marie
who had always somewhat wished
for a first name beginning with "B"
was quite unnaturally stung
by the butt
of a backwards flying bee
naturally.
-----
Peter Pan
I caught myself in my mirror tonight
surprising.
we haven't run into each other in a while.
my face adopted some years
and in bleary lights and dimming eyes
I saw me gaunt and wrinkled at 80.
And knew,
this is why he did it.
---
p.s. Whether I decide on a name for you or not, it just so happens that both names automatically (and without my permission) incite thoughts, even phrases, into my mind. I think it only fair you know what I think of when presented with your possible epithets.
Naked Apes:
all I want to say in closing is: "good night, sweet dreams, and go put some clothes on, you furry people."
Tellurians:
I know it is wrong but I want to say "may the force be with you" and close out with a silent smile and sign.
I've been writing more poems. Gander if you wish.
-----
strange looking back
when you realize the past
wasn't just yesterday.
And you've grown old
with your eyes closed
or open
depending on the hour.
until this moment
you feel how light your arms are
empty with all the time that's slipped
away
----
Smidgens of bits
dot your words and lips
like cookie crumbs
or potato chips
It matters less
what I turn into
you still won't know
I've grown old like new.
----
meet me on smith street
in between the donut cart and bummers beat
just past lunch and past the hours
the deli girl greets the man with flowers
up the smoking stands and brokers bands
the shuffling feet of suits and geeks
grappling for watches, keeping time in their lives
every tick for the tock of the money-sick hives
meet me on smith street
I'll hold a sandwich and daisy
my donut passed on to the men playing lazy
I'll sit at a table with the haze in my hair
midst screeching of tires and shout shaken air
I'll be dreaming in my skin, my wrists clockless and free
I'll wait to see you,
alive on smith street with me.
-----
it is just about time to realize
that I should have done something
hours ago.
---
a rhyme would sift you both away,
would slit the night to birth the day
would beg the moon to writhe in spite
sloshing dregs up shores spun white
would tango notes flung from the bees
buzzing sovereign melodies
would silver spoons with black soon taint
to brush cream eyes in dreamers paint
----
carleen marie
who had always somewhat wished
for a first name beginning with "B"
was quite unnaturally stung
by the butt
of a backwards flying bee
naturally.
-----
Peter Pan
I caught myself in my mirror tonight
surprising.
we haven't run into each other in a while.
my face adopted some years
and in bleary lights and dimming eyes
I saw me gaunt and wrinkled at 80.
And knew,
this is why he did it.
---
p.s. Whether I decide on a name for you or not, it just so happens that both names automatically (and without my permission) incite thoughts, even phrases, into my mind. I think it only fair you know what I think of when presented with your possible epithets.
Naked Apes:
all I want to say in closing is: "good night, sweet dreams, and go put some clothes on, you furry people."
Tellurians:
I know it is wrong but I want to say "may the force be with you" and close out with a silent smile and sign.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Possibilities
any preferences on what I call you all?
Thesaurus discovered 3 favorites for me.
1~ Naked Apes
2~ Higher Animals
3~ Tellurians
: )
Thesaurus discovered 3 favorites for me.
1~ Naked Apes
2~ Higher Animals
3~ Tellurians
: )
taking it to the next level
I've decided blogging has more to offer than I previously supposed. Similar to ironing. May take a little extra effort, but the end result is satisfactory. Who doesn't love putting on a crisp, warm, freshly ironed shirt? Don't clothes seem happier when they're taken care of? Almost excited for you to wear them. Yeah, I know inanimate objects can't experience feeling. Go watch toy story. Punch a stuffed animal. And tell me you don't feel a slight tinge of guilt.
World, it is one of those nights. I have a getting-ready-for-bed schedule, and don't want to do any of it. Wash face, floss, brush teeth, change into pj's, exercise, read scriptures, pray, play music, sleep. I'm not writing a letter I've been planning for a week, trying on my dress, reading jamo's poetry, painting, studying, or reading my new stack of delectably old books. Instead, I'm skipping away the minutes reading others blogs, adding to my own and successfully failing to allow my youtube music playlists to play consecutively.
My problem is I'd like to do too much. And it's past 1 am. Which means the only thing I should be doing is sleeping. And it is extremely tempting to simply sink under my downy comforter and blankets, onto my spacious bed and pillows, and give in to the dreaming that calls me.
I'm a junior in college. Yet I'm procrastinating getting ready for bed like any sane 7 year old. Do so often in fact. I hate relinquishing my treasured night to something as mundane as bodily needs for sleep. Perhaps I do need to be taken care of. Someone to nudge me in the direction of sanity, clean teeth, and adequate sleep. Will I ever grow up? Hm, wrong question. I don't believe growing up constitutes growing into living alone. I am a person much too in love with people to ever want to be without them for too long. We are People. Loneliness is not in our nature. I need my people.
Ah. Now I've been in bed throughout all of the writing, resolving that I will get up and get ready once I'm done.
But my cat just jumped on top of my comforter-covered-legs, stretched out, and went to sleep.
I'm never getting up now.
green pickle signing out--
sleep well World
p.s. I'm going to have to think of a nickname for you. W for world. E for Earth... or Earthlings. U for you. Dear thesaurus and dictionary.com, I'm coming to visit you soon.
World, it is one of those nights. I have a getting-ready-for-bed schedule, and don't want to do any of it. Wash face, floss, brush teeth, change into pj's, exercise, read scriptures, pray, play music, sleep. I'm not writing a letter I've been planning for a week, trying on my dress, reading jamo's poetry, painting, studying, or reading my new stack of delectably old books. Instead, I'm skipping away the minutes reading others blogs, adding to my own and successfully failing to allow my youtube music playlists to play consecutively.
My problem is I'd like to do too much. And it's past 1 am. Which means the only thing I should be doing is sleeping. And it is extremely tempting to simply sink under my downy comforter and blankets, onto my spacious bed and pillows, and give in to the dreaming that calls me.
I'm a junior in college. Yet I'm procrastinating getting ready for bed like any sane 7 year old. Do so often in fact. I hate relinquishing my treasured night to something as mundane as bodily needs for sleep. Perhaps I do need to be taken care of. Someone to nudge me in the direction of sanity, clean teeth, and adequate sleep. Will I ever grow up? Hm, wrong question. I don't believe growing up constitutes growing into living alone. I am a person much too in love with people to ever want to be without them for too long. We are People. Loneliness is not in our nature. I need my people.
Ah. Now I've been in bed throughout all of the writing, resolving that I will get up and get ready once I'm done.
But my cat just jumped on top of my comforter-covered-legs, stretched out, and went to sleep.
I'm never getting up now.
green pickle signing out--
sleep well World
p.s. I'm going to have to think of a nickname for you. W for world. E for Earth... or Earthlings. U for you. Dear thesaurus and dictionary.com, I'm coming to visit you soon.
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