Bride-zilla

"Do you ever feel you've become the worst version of yourself? That a Pandora's box of all the secret, hateful parts - your arrogance, your spite, your condescension - has sprung open? Someone upsets you and instead of smiling and walking away, you zing them? "Hello, it's Mr Nasty."

~ Tom Hanks as Joe Fox in 'You've Got Mail'


Dear Naked Apes, I can relate to this man.

I've been told many a time about "the craze". The craziness that consumes you when you're planning a wedding. I've seen the frazzled couples, their frayed edges glaringly apparent, but I've never known why exactly they'd become so.

However, I've now experienced a handful of melt downs myself. And every time after they're over, I think they're pretty funny. Mostly because they don't always make sense : ) So I've decided to document them here:

- August: woke Tommy up SUPER early by knocking on his bedroom door bawling my eyes out because I thought we might
have to wait until the following August to get married.
Good morning to you too love.

- January: Lost Tommy right after finding out that my little brother took my sincere offer to choose whether he wanted to come to Idaho or not. I realized I really wanted him to come and all I had to do was call him and tell him so. Instead I wandered around campus squishing tears out of my eyeballs looking for my misplaced 6 foot 1 fiance.

- Some night in late February: Tommy dropped me off at the end of the night like he does every night. Except this time I cried.
He tentatively asked if I was PMS-ing. No clue why.

- March: I almost cried in the pharmaceutical line at Broulims when the lady said I couldn't refill my birth control prescription because it was "too soon". She was no doubt confused, but was a darling, stopped asking questions and got me a refill.

- Two days later in March: I opened up my email inbox, and you guessed it: cried again.

Anyone have a baby age 0-2 years? Do any of these behaviors sound familiar??

They do to me.



Therefore I've come to following conclusions:

Society believes that:

woman+accepted proposal = bridezilla



and

Bride+bride's mother OR mother-in-law = bridezilla and queen kongs







and

Bride+ [bride+best friend] = Bride wars




and

bride is to veil as bride is to zilla: the closer the two are the more likely they are to become one and the same.





I also believe:

woman+wedding = flood warning




woman+wedding = miniature army
[Napoleon could have taken Russia with these.]



woman+wedding = baby
[no man needed, just give the girl time and she'll act the part.]





Therefore it's a really good thing women haven't run the world thus far. Because if we were the hunters, scavengers, fighters, conquerors, rulers....everyone would be dead or crying by now.