Too Many Legs

Sounds like a children's book doesn't it? But it's not. Not this time.

This is a post wherein I share my girlie-scream inducing experiences with things that have too many legs. (Pepper is currently trying to catch my fingers as they jot around the keyboard and let's just say I'm doing a lot of backspacing right now.)

Incident 1: The closet.

The other month I was sitting on my bed minding my own business when all of a sudden a fair-sized centipede tweedlescrammed out from under a pile of clean clothes stacking up in my closet. So much said in that first impression:

"Hey carly, I'm a nasty poisonous insect with more legs than I can count and I hang out in your clean clothes all the time. I live here. Oh, you do too? Interesting. I'll poison you next time you decide to wear this soft grey t-shirt I just decided to sleep in tonight." 

Excuse me?!

"BAAAAAAAAAAABE! BUG BIG BUG BIG BUG! CLOTHES, GET IT GET IT GET IT!"

While I'm in a perpetual backwards scoot hailing my confused husband from the other room, three fairly rational thoughts pass through my head.

1. I have never, ever, ever seen a centipede in Rexburg. I've been here five years. What is it doing here?

2. The fact that I'm seeing ANY bugs in April means the ground never froze enough in the winter to create a lovely bug buffered spring time. They are here early and no place is safe.

3. It's a really good thing I don't have babies in this apartment or I'd probably become bug-murderous. 

Incident 2: The Couch

This was the time that I was sitting on the couch and a big spider just crawled out of the corner crevice I was nestled into and proceeded to make it's way down the side along by my legs. Hello! Next time you want to make a break for it, you shouldn't be so huge and dark and hightailing it on my white couch. 

I wish I could just talk to insects and make some kind of peace treaty. 

"You make your home outside, I'll make my home inside. When I go out, I'll try not to step on you or get your flying friends stuck in my chap-stick when I ride my bike down a hill. Sound good? Done."

Incident 3: The Bathroom

I've been trying to get Pepper to notice ants. It's been surprisingly difficult. For a girl who literally leaps at anything that moves she really has a hard time focusing on a tiny ant if you are pointing at it with your finger or foot. I see your finger! Pounce. I see your foot! Pounce! 

Ant, girl. 

ANT.

I finally had success one day in the bathroom. I saw an ant circling around on the tile and Pepper was of course in there with me (she loves the bathroom, such a girl) and after a few attempts to point and gesture, she saw it! She thought it was fascinating! A tiny toy! But then the ant scampered away and Pepper decided to just attack the tile where she'd first seen the ant. Oh well, I guess she won't be our bug-patrol girl. 

Not that I really care about the ants, ants are docile and cute and we hardly have any, but it'd be nice on the bigger things....speaking of...

Incident 4: The Bed

I've been known to eat in bed. I've been known to eat crumbly things in bed. But here's my theory. I don't like top sheets so it's really easy to pull off my loose cover blanket and sweep that puppy clean. Today I served Tommy and I cookies in bed. I was really careful though and kept everything on a paper towel so I thought I was good. As I was getting in I saw a dark thing and figured I'd missed a crumb so I picked it up. It wriggled out of my hand. 

It ran deeper into the bed and I dug frantically until I had caught up with it. I needed 

to know what it was! I saw its ugly butt and knew immediately. Pincher bug. Memories of a clear water bottle and my little brother derek, a pincher bug and some very nasty pinches inside of his poor little mouth flushed straight to the forefront of my mind. I wasn't touching that thing. Tommy is such a courageous hero. He requested light and toilet paper and so I dashed about hopping like a chicken more than happy to oblige and trying to get the squirmy feeling off my skin. 

Now wouldn't it be nice if my cat were a bug eater?